Circles… Why can't I stop going in them? Everything I do just leads back to where I started, right here, curled up in a ball staring at the slightly damp concrete wall on my mattress. “Look at him, worthless, stupid, lonely, ugly, pale.” The voices get louder in my head as my already tight grip on my arm tightens further, cutting into me. I feel the warm red liquid run down my arm as I shake. It was all going so well just yesterday, what changed? Was it something I said, or was it something I did? She told me that I was her one and only, that I could never be replaced. I try to get up but the weight of my body just makes me fall to my side. Then I roll over onto my back, and just stare at the ceiling. “I can't believe he thought she could love someone like him.” People's words continue to echo in my head as if my brain was made of mirrors and someone was shining a light inside it. I close my eyes and after what feels like an eternity, I eventually fall into the dark abyss.

Once I awake there is enough strength in my body to grab my phone that's under my mattress. A singular text from my one and only real friend reads, “Hey man, how have you been doing lately? You weren't online all day, you good?” I just stare at it for a while. After collecting my thoughts and waking up a bit more I reply back, “Yeah, I'm fine.” Then I click off the screen and throw the phone into my right pocket. I roll off the bed and stumble my way to the basement bathroom. Splashing some cold water on my face I look up at the mirror. Jesus Christ… How pathetic… Instinctively I yell and go for a punch at my reflection. The shards dig into my buckles but I don't feel a thing. The mirror almost looks better like this. The beautiful lines created between my face where the cracks are, and mixed with the splatter of red. I take out my phone to take a snap but read a message that was sent to me by my father “Your mother didn't make it, I'm sorry.” My eye twitches, and my vision starts to blur. The phone falls to the ground, and glass from the screen flies across the floor. My room is spinning, but more importantly how did I get from the bathroom to here? Is that a noose hanging from my ceiling fan, it can't be right? I can't help but think about how my mother overdosed and was sent to the hospital. We all thought she was going to make it, but no. Now here I am, about to give in just as she did. Everything really does go in circles doesn't it? My vision clears as I look down at the stool under my feet. Then…

I wake up. Circles… Why can't I stop going in them? Everything I do just leads back to where I started, right here, curled up in a ball staring at the slightly damp concrete wall on my mattress.